I am often so irritated with my current state and how I am so very aware of it. Sinful state that is. A contentness, calmness if you will, toward sin should be considered a terrible state. Far more costly than I give it credit for this I am sure.
How often do I repent? Can I recall the churning and mourning within my soul due to atrocities I commit against God? These are all questions currently scrolling through my heart and mind as I read the old Puritan, Thomas Watson’s, The Doctrine of Repentance. I love how he starts off the book:
“The two great graces essential to a saint in this life are faith and repentance. These are the two wings by which he flies to heaven. Faith and repentance preserve the spiritual life as heat and radical moisture do the natural.”
Okay, so this is a big deal. This is not just a spiritual discipline like fasting that I need to work on and occasionally give myself to (not discrediting fasting by any means!), but this is far greater, far more essential to the well-being of my soul. I am reminded of when Paul calls himself the greatest of sinners. He speaks out of wisdom. This claim was not made shortly after his conversion, but later on in his life. The more he saw the glory of Christ, the more he saw his sin. It was unsettling to his soul as mine should be as well.
There is a posture that exists that I do not intend to take. I do not intend to let the severity of sin and need of repentance become my life with Christ. It simply must exist as water does for my hydration. Repentance shall not supersede my focus on the glory of Christ and demonstrating that to the world and in communion with Him.
Oh God, my God, that you would cause me to repent and flee from sin. I need your grace!