To claim pro in these fields would be…well absolutely ridiculous. I claim amateur hands-down. I claim that gladly, actually. I need to constantly be reminded through the gospel of hope and grace through Jesus Christ alone that I cannot do life as a wife or mother without Him. God intended for me to not be “good” at these roles without Him.
Just last night Josh and I were reminded of the sin in our lives. Individually, we still have wickedness lurking and often give way to allowing such lies to creep in and take way in our minds and hearts. I would say that both of us admit that this past year of marriage has been a bumpy one. We are completely different in so many ways. Both of us have baggage in some form. Completely different baggage, but sin baggage nonetheless From getting over the fact that one had exes to handling another’s insecurities, we came into marriage with a lot and thankfully that hasn’t disappeared. I say “thankfully” NOT because I think it is exceeding beautiful to have it or that Josh had to see/still does some really ugly sides of me. I am thankful that we are being sanctified through this. We are no longer veiled by the time apart that existed in dating. We know each other more than anyone else in the world. That entails a lot of ugly. Too much ugly to handle on our own. That’s where grace kicks in.
Who would have known how possessive I could be over Norah?! Even towards Josh I try and take control because in my mind I know what’s best (humorous indeed!). I think that since I know how to “do it right,” I can just take over and he can step aside and learn; however, that’s not how a partnership functions. We learn by doing most of the time and then grace-filled encouragement aids in that. Oh that I would not rob him the joys of learning! I have so much to learn, so much faith needed to be a mommy. Understanding the work that he does during the day and Josh understanding the work that I do at home with Norah has also proved a challenge. Thanks be to God who is patient with his children! If we were not regenerate, oh the wreckage that we would be for Norah! As I look over at our precious gal finishing up the last bit of her nap, I am reminded that she is a gift- the very thing that we were given to share the greatest news in the world with. How joyous! What a high calling.
I am but a sinner saved by grace. Day after day may I be reminded of this.